PANDA’S FLYING CIRCUS

An Emerald Hounds Abound DogTale

There are certain things one expects when sharing a home with cats. Hair on the furniture. Mysterious noises in the middle of the night. The occasional object knocked from a shelf by an animal who insists it was already falling. What one does not ordinarily expect is for a cat to invent a new form of gymnastics, perfect it over several months, and then begin performing it on unsuspecting members of the household. But Panda has never been particularly concerned with what is ordinary.

Panda is our tuxedo cat, a handsome little gentleman with a distinctive vocabulary, an alarming amount of confidence, and a habit of announcing himself with a cheerful, high-pitched “MEEP!” He is also a cat who can spend hours chasing invisible mice. We have never seen these mice. We have no evidence that they exist. Panda, however, pursues them with the determination of a professional exterminator who has been assured there is a substantial reward involved. He is, in short, an extraordinarily odd little creature. And recently, he has taken up acrobatics.

It began innocently enough, as most household catastrophes do. Panda developed a habit of joining Dad in his chair and burrowing into the corner where Dad, the chair back, and the armrest met. He would push himself into that little space with such enthusiasm that eventually his back end had nowhere left to go. Except up. And so, entirely by accident, Panda found himself standing on his head. Most cats, upon discovering that they were upside down, might attempt to correct the situation. Panda apparently found it delightful. He repeated the maneuver. Again and again. For months.

Eventually, he began visiting Mom as well, using the same chair-corner technique. Then he started experimenting with a new approach. Rather than burying himself in the furniture, he would simply approach one of his humans, lean backward until gravity took over, and topple onto his head. He would remain there for several seconds, eventually fall over, announce “MEEP!” and depart.

Nobody taught him this. Nobody encouraged it. We are not entirely certain he understands what he is doing. We are, however, increasingly certain that he enjoys it.

Then, one quiet evening, Panda decided to advance his technique. He jumped up beside Dad. Instead of burrowing into the chair or leaning gradually backward, he suddenly threw himself into a half flip and landed upside down, balanced on the top of his own head. Just like that. No warning. No hesitation. One moment he was an ordinary tuxedo cat sitting beside his human. The next, he was performing an unauthorized gymnastics routine. And that was when things truly began to escalate.

Panda started offering his peculiar form of companionship more frequently. Mom became a regular participant. At bedtime, he began using Mom and the pillows as support, balancing upside down for several seconds before toppling over and racing away. “MEEP!” Apparently, a successful social visit. The rest of us were still trying to understand the rules. Then Panda discovered Hooligan.

Hooligan Charlie Hill is a young Irish Wolfhound of considerable height, extraordinary sensitivity, and a nervous system that occasionally struggles to keep pace with the events of his own life. He is affectionate, gentle, and deeply emotional. His ears, which we affectionately refer to as his ear hat, have a remarkable ability to communicate his feelings even when the rest of him is too bewildered to respond. Unfortunately, none of these qualities prepared him for Panda.

The first incident occurred while Hooligan was resting on the floor beside his bed, minding his own business. Panda wandered through the room. Nothing about his approach suggested trouble. He was simply a cat going about his day, presumably on his way to conduct important cat business elsewhere in the house. He passed Hooligan. Then, without warning—

WHAM! Panda threw himself backward. He landed upside down in the narrow space between Hooligan and his bed, planted himself against the puppy, and proceeded to perform a headstand. Hooligan reacted as though the floor had exploded. He scrambled to his feet, tucked his tail firmly between his legs, and fled through the door to the patio.

Once outside, he stopped. He turned around. And stared. His head tilted to one side. His ear hat flapped as he tried to make sense of the scene before him. Because Panda was still upside down.

The cat had somehow retained his balance, despite the abrupt departure of the enormous furry support structure he had originally selected for the maneuver. There he remained, suspended in his own peculiar little world, apparently unconcerned that his audience had evacuated the building. Hooligan continued staring. Panda continued standing on his head. For approximately thirty seconds.

Eventually, having apparently satisfied whatever mysterious objective he had set for himself, Panda righted himself. “MEEP!” Then he took off running up the stairs. Hooligan watched him go. He shook himself from nose to tail, as though trying to physically dislodge the experience from his body, cautiously returned to the house, and retrieved Pig.

Pig is Hooligan's favorite toy. There are moments in life when a young wolfhound requires comfort, reassurance, and the familiar presence of something that has never unexpectedly stood on its head against him. This was one of those moments. Hooligan curled himself into a ball with Pig. The incident appeared to be over. Unfortunately, Panda had only been warming up.

A few days later, a moth entered the house. Under ordinary circumstances, this would have been a minor event. A moth flutters around. A cat notices. Some enthusiastic hunting occurs, followed by either a successful capture or an offended insect escaping to a higher location. But these were not ordinary circumstances. Panda had recently discovered gymnastics. And Hooligan was nearby.

The moth fluttered through the room, drawing Panda's attention immediately. His entire little body switched into hunting mode. His eyes locked on the target, his muscles tightened, and the chase began. Hooligan, meanwhile, had no reason to suspect he was about to become part of the operation.

Panda launched himself after the moth and bounced off Hooligan. Not collided with him. Bounced. You see, Panda has another peculiar talent. He uses walls and furniture to propel himself through the air, pushing off them to achieve distances that an ordinary jump simply wouldn't allow. And apparently, an Irish Wolfhound works just as well.

Hooligan, who had no idea he'd just been promoted to feline launching platform, startled and tried to reposition himself. Panda was undeterred. Another leap. Another bounce.

The cat had discovered that Hooligan wasn't merely an obstacle in his pursuit of the moth. He was useful equipment. A trampoline, in fact. Unfortunately, Hooligan had not agreed to serve in this capacity. With his enormous legs struggling for traction on the floor, the puppy began sliding, stumbling, and trying desperately to escape the airborne feline.

Then the water bowl became involved. Water went everywhere. Hooligan scrambled. Panda bounced. The moth continued on its way, entirely unaware of the domestic disaster it had inspired.

Hooligan made a desperate attempt to escape the airborne feline. Unfortunately, the screen door stood between him and the patio. THUMP! He hit it nose-first. The impact sent him stumbling backward, where he landed squarely on his bottom.

For one brief, miraculous moment, everything stopped. Hooligan sat there, stunned. We all took a breath. Perhaps the worst was over. Perhaps order could finally be restored. Perhaps—

Panda spotted the moth again. He launched himself through the air, all four paws outstretched, determined to capture the fluttering intruder. He missed. Spectacularly. And landed right beside Hooligan.

The puppy, who had barely recovered from his first collision with the door, scrambled frantically to his feet. THUMP! Straight into the screen again. - only this time, the screen gave way. Hooligan bolted onto the patio and turned around. Behind him, the screen wobbled.

Once. Twice. For a second or two, it seemed to be considering its options. Then it fell. RIGHT ON TOP OF HOOLIGAN.

The poor boy had already been assaulted by an airborne cat, startled by a second feline landing, and betrayed by a door that had apparently forgotten how to be a door. Now, as far as Hooligan was concerned, the house itself seemed to have joined the attack. He slid helplessly to the ground with the fallen screen draped over him.

Surely that was enough. Surely the evening had reached its natural conclusion. Surely there was nothing left that could possibly happen to this poor, bewildered puppy.

Enter Panda. Again. WHAM! One final airborne assault. Upside down. On Hooligan.

“MEEEEEP!” Hooligan HOWLED. Somewhere upstairs, Dad heard the commotion. “WHAT IS GOING ON DOWN THERE?!”

Mom surveyed the wreckage. The water bowl had been overturned. The screen door was lying on top of an Irish Wolfhound. The Irish Wolfhound had apparently lost the will to participate in family life. And Panda remained completely untroubled by the destruction. “Nothing,” Mom answered. It was not her most convincing response.

Eventually, the immediate crisis ended. Panda moved on to whatever important business required his attention next, and the moth's role in the proceedings was apparently forgotten. Hooligan, however, had experienced enough excitement for one evening. He remained outside on the patio. He had no interest in returning to the scene of the crime. And, frankly, who could blame him?

There is a great deal to admire about cats. Their independence. Their intelligence. Their extraordinary agility. Panda has simply chosen to explore that agility in a manner nobody requested, nobody anticipated, and nobody has yet figured out how to stop.

As for Hooligan, he continues to approach life with an open heart, tremendous affection, and a growing awareness that the smaller members of his family are capable of things he cannot begin to understand. He is learning. Slowly. Although we suspect he would prefer that his education no longer involve surprise headstands, flying cats, or structural damage to the house.

Panda, of course, has offered no apology. MEEP! The Walk continues. Even when someone is standing on his head.